Some Things Can Be Fixed..... Others Must Heal

This post is an advice for some krung krung friends.....(aka: shy, alvin, pao and lolobels and yani)

When someone tells me some problems they are having, I immediately feel the need to offer advice. Its just too difficult for me to just listen to someone who is in distress/ baliw mode/pmsing, to just be there for her/him without knowing precisely what to say or do. And I am  uncomfortable with anything being in limbo. 

Sometimes I am addicted to certainties , and my  self-esteem depend on my ability to make things right for other people. I find it helpful when faced with a problem or a discomfort or a pain to ask this question:

Does this need to be fixed or healed?

Think about it. The two options are very different. When a pipe burst below our kitchen sink, we just don’t wrap a bandage around it and wait for it to heal. Similarly, when I cut my hand slicing tomatoes I don’t imagine that I can simply “fix” the cut.

Certainly when something needs to heal, we still attend to it. I can apply pressure and bandage my cut. Or if I have the flu, I can go home, lie on the couch drinking juice and chicken soup. But I know that as much as I might try to convince myself otherwise, I cannot simply fix myself so that I don’t have the flu anymore.

Consider relationship problems: do they need to be fixed or healed?  the question is more difficult because both are often called for.  I suppose this is analogous to a broken bone needing to be set so that it can heal properly.

When something needs to be fixed, it calls for us to be proactive in identifying what needs to be done and then doing it. When something needs to heal, our job is to protect the space around the wound or injury, allowing in only what will contribute to the process of healing.

“Does this need to be fixed or healed?” is just one of those good questions to keep around. Sometimes the answers will be obvious, and other times the question may just get us thinking in a different direction. 

Certainly using the question will save some valuable energy when we can stop trying to fix what can only be healed, and stop waiting around for what needs fixing to heal.

See if it makes a difference.